The First Quarter of 2013

     So quite a bit has changed since I last blogged. First of all, I got engaged. January 21, 2013. We were staying with my parents at the time, saving for another place, and on this night, we were sitting on the bed, talking. We had been looking for a house to rent because obviously, apartments were not for us after the last one we had. So we were just talking about what we would do with a custom house. We were building our dream home out loud. So then I got kind of emotional, as I tend to do, and I had scooted over to the other end of the bed. I think I was grabbing something out of my bag. So when I look back, he's sliding a ring box across the bed. Nobody's ever given me a ring so I think my heart stopped for a second. I look at it and look at him and I can feel tears in the corners of my eyes. He, always the jokester, starts pulling it back and saying "Is that a no?" And I said "You haven't asked me..." And he, in the most adorable timid way, said "Will you marry me?" I was crying and hugging him and nodding, saying "Yes!! Of course!" and he slid the ring onto my finger. I love it so much.

Ignore the banana. It was an inside joke.

The second change is that we finally found a place! Actually, my dad found it for us. His coworker was looking for tenants and Papa Cov's daughter was looking for a place. Papa Cov works in Palmdale and we live in Victorville and his coworker knew Papa Cov lived closeby and asked if he knew anyone looking to rent. It was so perfect. The guy, Ben, had us meet him at the house, it was exactly what we wanted and in our budget/range so we paid the $500 deposit and first month ($750) and moved in. It's so perfect! It's about 5-10 minutes from Penguin's work (depending on time of day) and when the open the overpass, it'll probably take like 3-4 minutes to get him there. It takes me about 15 to get to Smiley's and about 10 to get to school/dance. It's 2 bed/2 bath and has an enclosed patio that the cats LOVE. The whole house is tile and though I've never liked hard floors, these are so pretty that I don't care. And hey, dance floor all day eerday, ya dig? All of our furniture seemed so crammed in our apartment but it all fits so nicely here. And we don't have to hide the cats because our landlord is chill and doesn't mind at all, unlike the grumpfaced dick we had at the apartment. Oh...and the ceilings! They're so pretty!

So, yeah. Oh! And it has a semi-circle driveway that we have lit up with little solar lights that only cost .98 each at Smiley's...so that's nice. Oh and look at the front door:

I see a little silhouette...

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And thirdly, I have been made permanent at Smiley's. I work in the deli now. I love it there, though there always seems to be drama. It's crazy but I love it. And I get paid more so that's nice. I got myself a .50 raise. haha. Up to $8.90 now. I think I get another .40 raise after I hit a year there on September 5th. Unfortunately, with the being made permanent, I'm now part-time so my hours got slashed. I was nearly 40 hours consistently and now it's usually between 28 and 32. This week is 18ish...ack. But I'd requested this last weekend off and it wasn't arranged well to make it up somewhere else in the week but that's not a normal thing so ehh. Otherwise...woot for permanency. 

This is another awesome thing but I've got a lead in a number in our dance show. I'm the devil in our angels vs demons number, Danse Macabre (that is, if she spells it the right way...otherwise it's Dance Macabre). lol.

Well, I think I've written enough for now. haha. 

     I'm a little bit frustrated right now. I feel like I'm stuck. Stuck here and it's hard to save to fix it. I don't know if Smiley's will be keeping me permanently. I really hope so. I love working there and it's the perfect fit for me but so far, I just don't know what their plans are for me. If they even have plans to keep me. *crossing my fingers though*

     Every day off I have, I try to get shit done. I usually end up doing a lot of cleaning. And I don't mean a little bit of picking up either. I mean scrubbing the sinks, washing the decor around the sinks, laundry, trash, dusting, scrubbing the whole bathroom down and of my fucking god, MEN'S HAIR. I swear, every time that man shaves, he says he cleans up afterwards, but he somehow misses all of the little hairs around the faucet and it drives me crazy. He wets his hand and just brushes it all down the drain. But he doesn't see me in there scrubbing and washing all the little nooks and crannies between the faucet knobs and cleaning off the fixtures. His hair gets everywhere. Would it be too much for him just to leave it how I left it? Jesus. 

     Also, I love him but he's driving me crazy lately. I feel like he's given up on me. And it sucks.  I'd fucking love some ring to show some sort of commitment. I know we're together for the long haul but he cops out. I'm getting sick of him not showing some sort of signs that he wants to marry me some day. My sister's pregnant and he shows NO emotion of having a niece or nephew. He ignores the fact. Maybe even seems unhappy about it. I would love to get married and have babies but I need him to want that too. I NEED IT. I mean FUCK we've been together for almost 8 years now. Grow the fuck up already. I'm tired of acting like I don't care. I have feelings, goddammit. The bag thing was only a small piece of how I feel I'm not quite getting back what I'm giving. I'm sick of this shit. That's not saying, in the slightest, that I'm sick of him. I love him with everything I am. So this hurts. It really fucking hurts.
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EDIT: So, it's months later now and I must have been having a really bad day or something. ^^
Just...wow. 

So...I work at Smiley's now. It's a big store with a lot of people working there and I really enjoy working there. I know it sounds like I'm getting paid to say that but it's not the case. Trust.

I woke up today in a pretty good mood. I just wanted to cuddle but I was super happy. I cuddled Penguin for a minute then got out of bed to get ready for Smiley's. I've been sick with a horrid cold from hell for over a week and a half now so the first thing I did was take some Alka Seltzer for cold and flu then got my makeup on and as I was getting dressed, I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. I went to meet Penguin downstairs and had to run to the downstairs bathroom and throw up. Not the business.

I dropped Penguin off at the mall and headed to my work. I only had 4 hours today and as it's now post-holidays, it's pretty slow in the mornings. The first half of my shift went pretty slowly but it picked up towards my first break. At one point, a supervisor came up to me and asked me a quiz question. I'd never heard the term used in that way before so it threw me off. I didn't know the thing in question had a specific name so when she asked what it was, I said "What's that?" and she was like "REALLY??" I felt pretty stupid. I was pretty sure I knew what it was but didn't want to say the wrong thing. She said she'd come back to me but she never did. DAMN. I hope she asks again on Saturday because I don't want that keeping me from being kept on as permanent. I love it there. I've been working really hard and I definitely give my job 110%.